Thursday, August 11, 2016

Today's Special



Eating is as intimate as it gets. The ingesting of organic material through the middle of your face down into your deep physical core to become temporarily one with the consumed massit's even more penetrating than intercourse. 

Food is so personal that we judge others on their meal choices. Order something gross on a first date, and it could be your last.  The fifth grader with the strangest brownbag lunch gets picked on most in the cafeteria. Americans find Southeast Asians offensive for eating dog (even though we eat large dogs called cows, which makes us seem ignorant to Hindus). 

Shrimp greatly upset me because of their pinkish-orange, fingernail-like shells and poop veins. So, when I lived in Shanghai, it probably took a month off my life to catch a glimpse of my Chinese officemate aggressively stuffing entire prawns into her mouth until the ends of their shockingly long antennae disappeared into her satisfied expression.  In the process of devouring them, she became prawn-likeand I'm sure she’d feel the same about the scrapple I chowed down as a Pennsylvania native.

Seeing an animal feed can bring on the same revulsion. The sickest thing about opening a trashcan swarming with bugs isn't necessarily the insects themselves, but that they think it's delicious in there. In the moment, that itself justifies the swatting; if you are what you eat, then those flies are rot-filled maggots unwelcome in our space!

One person’s haggis is another's honey. Taste is pure subjectivity. Whatever a "mangoon" is, it's out there somewhere, it's awful, and it's hot, sexy dinner for some ravenous mouth that can't get enough.

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